The Honeymoon Can Last Forever

Hey Friends! I hope you’re having a great week so far! At Christmas, some friends of ours gave us a gift certificate for a 3-day stay in a hotel in Naples, and we finally had the opportunity to use it. It was so nice to just relax and reconnect with each other. Rob and I will have been married 18 years this year. Wow! How time flies. We’ve surely grown in so many ways since we first said “I do.”

Marriage isn’t always easy. If you’re married, you know this! A good marriage, just like any other relationship takes work; but work, that’s worth it! When Rob and I first got married, honestly, I was surprised at how tough it was. I shouldn’t have been, considering we were two strong-willed, independent people who were complete opposites! Yet, when I discovered that he wasn’t always going to agree with everything I said, or think that everything I did was absolutely wonderful, I was shocked! LOL!! And then, when the things I thought were so cute and wonderful about him began to rub me the wrong way…whoa!!! Wait a minute!!! What’s going on?? That was the moment when the saying “The honeymoon is over!” would apply!

It’s easy to love someone before we know their flaws or quirks or too many of them at least. But time, conflict, and the stresses of life, well…. they have a way of ripping off the rose-colored glasses and exposing the weakness of the selfish kind of love we may have. We’re then left with a choice. Will we choose to love conditionally, with immature, selfish love; or will we love with mature, Godly, unconditional love? 1 Corinthians 13, a passage most of us know, says that love is patient, kind, it honors, it isn’t easily angered, and so on. These are not “feeling” based things, but rather choices a person makes to love with true Godly love. Rob and I taught a marriage conference once, called “The Honeymoon CAN last FOREVER!” And it’s true! When we learn to stop looking to other people to meet our needs, to make us happy, or to always agree with us, and instead learn to see each other as a precious and unique child of God, with great potential, and COMMIT to love each other with the true love of God, our relationships will not only be transformed but become better than ever! This love sees the best in one another and gives each other the room to grow and mature in Christ.

I waited to get married till later in life. I had seen a lot of bad relationships and told the Lord I’d rather be single than be miserable. At 27, I met Rob, and the Lord confirmed to both of us several times that we were “the one” for each other. We’ve never doubted for a moment that it was God’s plan for us to be together, even on our most difficult days. I remember saying to my mom once early in my marriage, during a tough season Rob and I were going through, “I KNOW without a doubt God told us to be together, so I just don’t understand why we’re going through this? She said without hesitation, “God told you to be together, but He never said it would be easy.” It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but a lightbulb went off at that moment, and I knew it was true. Marriage wasn’t just about making each other HAPPY, but together, becoming HOLY. Well, Rob and I had a lot of work to do! First and foremost, work on ourselves. We both needed the refining of the Holy Spirit in our lives. We needed to learn how to let God work in us so that our strengths would compliment instead of clash with each other. We needed to walk in humility and grace with one another.

I often laugh and say it’s a cruel joke God plays on us by causing opposites to attract. But the truth is, it’s actually part of His divine plan. The Bible says, “Iron sharpens iron.” This is speaking in the natural sense of the rubbing of two swords together to remove dullness and make them sharp and powerful weapons. It also applies to our relationships. If we were totally alike, we’d never grow. Honestly, life would be pretty boring too. It’s our differences, while they may drive us crazy at times, that makes our relationships interesting. I’m a very spontaneous person and this used to drive my hubby nuts. We’d have plans and we’d be driving and all of a sudden I’d see something and be like “OOH let’s go here instead!!” He was like, “Wait, what?? We said we were going there??” It seems like a small thing, but it was a source of conflict for us. Now he loves it and he lets me plan our trips and adventures. We also used to have conflicts with our finances. I was a spender. Put a dollar in my hand and I’d find a way to spend it. Put a dollar in Rob’s hand and he’d save it every single time! He was a saver and we would argue and I would call him cheap! Poor Rob! But, I learned from him the wisdom in saving so we could bless others and have the provision we needed at all times. We’ve balanced each other out in so many ways, and God has also used us in each other’s lives to pull out the gold He deposited in us.

We’ve also seen this in our areas of gifting. God puts people together so that their gifts can complement each other and we can be more effective for Kingdom purposes. Rob is very apostolic and has great big visions which used to scare me, and sometimes still do! I’ve always been more cautious. I’m an intercessor and I want to pray and hear from God before I take even one step. There is nothing wrong with either one of our giftings, but together they are stronger and more effective. I’ve learned from Rob to have the courage to take BIG steps of faith even when I can’t see the end result and we’ve seen the miraculous happen! And he’s grown to value the prophetic words I receive as I press in and intercede. Together, God moves so beautifully through us when we’re walking in love and unity. This is the way it’s meant to be in the body of Christ too.

Did you know a marriage is an earthly picture of the church’s marriage to Christ? We’re the Bride of Christ after all, and so these principles apply to our relationship with one another in the body of Christ as well. Just like in natural marriage, we often want others to conform to our way of thinking, to agree with the way we believe things should be done, and to meet a need within us. Instead of embracing each other’s differences, we can often resent them. Instead of seeing how we can love and honor another, we look for what they can give to us. True unity, however, comes as we love and honor each other for who God made each person to be. God puts us together with others in the body of Christ so that our gifts can complement one another and we can be a true reflection of God.

So when it feels like the honeymoon is over, don’t believe the lie. The honeymoon CAN last FOREVER. We can choose to love each other unconditionally with the love of God. We can choose to look past faults, we can choose to pray for one another and we can choose to be committed to one another; not running at the first sign of problems, but working it out and growing stronger together. This is I believe is what will make us this beautiful and glorious Bride of Christ the Bible promises Jesus is coming back for. In one of our toughest seasons of marriage, Rob and I came to the conclusion that neither one of us was going anywhere because we were committed to sticking together forever.  So, we decided right then and there that we better figure out how to work past our issues. I didn’t change Rob and Rob didn’t change me. Instead, we allowed God to change us both so that we can love like Him. And we’re still growing and changing because God promises that He’ll always be at work in each one of us until the day Jesus returns. We’re all works in progress. We are imperfect people, loving a perfect God. So, yes my friends, the honeymoon can last FOREVER. Husband, wife, church… let’s choose to love each other well and experience the glorious things God has in store for us!