Jealousy & Envy…The two are very different.
The first, jealousy, is born out of a desire to protect something a person has or maintain possession of something they already own. A man is jealous of other men because he may love his wife or girlfriend. Jealousy is possessiveness and may lead to control, rivalry, strife, and contention.
The second, envy, is disliking someone because of wanting something another person has. It is not liking someone because they have what is wanted. The Latin word for envy is invidere which means “to look upon as an enemy.”
Is jealousy always wrong? No, God is jealous for us. He wants to keep us and maintain our relationship. He wants first place in our hearts. Jealousy can become wrong when it becomes inordinate much like anger. Anger is a normal emotion but inordinate anger becomes sinful leading to wrath, hatred, malice, angry outbursts, depression, and unforgiveness. Again, anger is a normal emotion to be felt and isn’t always wrong. The same for jealousy. There is a Godly jealousy we can have to want to protect something or have something we see someone else have, which leads us to believe God for similar.
Is envy always wrong? Yes, it is. Envy makes enemies of allies and causes them to dislike them because they have something wanted. It is disliking a person because they have something wanted and says that God is not fair.
Recognizing feelings of Jealousy:
- Insecurity
- Competition
- Comparison
- Controlling or demanding behaviors and thoughts
- Sibling rivalry
- Fear of new relationships
- Distrustful
Recognizing Envy:
- Critical attitude
- Complaining
- Competitive attitude
- Judgmental attitude
- Begrudging disposition
- Resentfulness
Saul’s most loyal soldier was David. David loyally and faithfully served Saul. Saul was once God’s anointed but jealousy and envy unchecked caused Saul to see David as an enemy. Insecure people who are envious usually decrease and lose what they have. Secure people often keep what they have and increase what they’ve been given. Saul lost his authority for breaking covenant with God. He allowed the people’s remarks about Saul’s loyal soldier, David, to create envy in his heart. He opens the door because of insecurity and gives place to the enemy of envy because the people said,
‘Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands” 1 Samuel 18:7.
He, again, later, puts too much weight on people’s opinion and makes sacrifices he wasn’t supposed to make. Saul is told he is going to have his kingdom taken away for disobeying the Lord again.
Because Saul paid more attention to diminishing David than building the kingdom. Saul’s authority was eventually taken from him. Far too often, we do the same thing by devoting time and energy to the gods of this age – money, power, position, and more – and miss God’s goodness in our own lives. Saul was insecure about others’ gifts and surrounded himself with people weaker than himself. David on the other hand was not intimidated by other people’s greatness. Some of David’s mighty men had even greater accomplishments than David did. David was still their leader and the man who God created him to be. I believe David expected people to be better than him and wanted them to be better than him. This allowed great people to support him and strengthen the kingdom.
Joseph’s brothers saw their father, Jacob, favor Joseph. Their hearts became envious and “missed” Jacob’s love for them. Envy even caused Joseph’s brothers to do things they would regret for years and decades. Envy puts attention on what someone else has and keeps the envious person from enjoying what they do have. Envy saps them of energy to run their own race by putting their attention on another. Envy will even make an enemy out of the closest allies if allowed.
Like Joseph or David, you may have been a victim of jealousy or envy. A few bits of advice
Stay focused and don’t be distracted – It is hard to move forward looking at anything but the prize set before us. Focus on what it is God wants from you. He’ll handle the rest. Avoid talking about it, trying to understand, and especially talking about it. What has your attention will determine your attitude. You fully control your attitude by what you put your attention upon.
Forgive and pray for them – Anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness always cause division. We can’t control others but we can do our part. Romans 12:18 says,
If it is possible as much as depends upon me, live peaceably with all men.
A great way to do this is by following what the Bible tells us and pray for those who have hurt us (Matt 5:44). They may not change but this will definitely change us more into His likeness and image. It will also keep the poison of bitterness from manifesting in our lives and countenance. Talking about an offense will cause it to manifest in our countenance (Prov. 25:23) What is going on inside will show up on the outside.
Appropriate kindness – Proverbs 25:21-22 and Romans 12:19-21 tell us we are to be kind to our enemies and show them kindness. By this, we heap coals upon their heads. During Bible times if someone could not keep their fire going, they would go around town asking for hot coals to kindle their fire. Putting coals in this container on his head would benefit him, fulfilling his need, and helping him. Often poor behavior is a sign of a hurt person just trying to get their needs met. This is not an excuse for poor behavior but often helps me when people are being less than loving.
People fully trusting God for the future, will never be threatened by what God is doing in another’s life. What God chooses to do in another’s life doesn’t dim their light or diminish them in any way. Like Jesus said in the Parable of Laborers In The Vineyard,
“Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity? (Matt 20:15 of Matt 20:1-16)
Jealousy and envy are choices. Love is also a choice. When we read 1 Cor. 13:4-8 nothing listed is a feeling. They are all behaviors we choose. Deuteronomy 30:19 (KJV 1900) says,
19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.
Choose love, choose wisely, choose life.
